Thursday, June 13, 2013

Marriage? Please fill this questionnaire!



My fiftyish aunt asks my mom “Your daughter isn't getting married any soon? I have someone in mind for her. I’m sure they’ll make a perfect couple!” As soon as I turn 22, you can find a minimum of fifteen guys in the family circle with whom I make a perfect match! Fifteen.


I keep wondering how that number came up so suddenly. Every uncle and aunt, with whom I’ve barely even spoken, suddenly knows what’s my type, what’s best for me, and who would be my perfect match!

 They hug me and tell me to check out that prince-on-white-horse they have in mind. I manage to go with them and introduce myself to the guy. 

He says, “I am an Engineer from NITK. I topped my batch. I worked for XYZ Company for about two years, and I plan to fly abroad to do my Masters. It’s so really tough to survive in the Corporate without a Masters Degree. You cannot really say what it expects from you, you know… And so much so….” .

“Err… Sorry, I didn’t get your name..”  I interrupt.

Really!? You don’t tell me your name, you don’t tell me where you live, and you don’t tell me what you like doing. You are in love with your certificates and the whitewashed walls, glass doors and AC in your cabin!?

Yeah. May be I seem a little judgmental here. But what else do I think? I am entitled to a first impression. Guys who purely intend on a temporary romantic expedition and start out with that’s-a-nice-weather are far better than guys who intend on a lifetime bonding and start out with I-earn-this-much.

First question- How does anybody know what I want?

This list of ‘anybody’ surprisingly, includes parents too. They once tried to convince me that all my relatives who boast about prospective bridegrooms for me, wish for my own happiness.

“They just want to get you married to a family that will keep you happy!” they said.

“Not really. They just want a wedding. I want a marriage! There is a difference.” I said.  



It’s true what people say. Parents know best. Parents know what’s good for us and what’s not. Mine bear with me day in and day out, and they are pretty sure that it’s what the groom has to do too, more or less. But that’s just theory!

Practically, what I am depends on whom I’m with.The person I’m going to be, with my future husband, is so clearly different from what I am with my parents now. Ask different people to describe me. They have hundred different adjectives and hundred more versions of those adjectives. So, back in square one, how is that going to work, really?

Second question- Don’t you think I should decide for myself?

Of course you do. You just don’t say it aloud! But you know 
what? You are forgiven!

So, now comes the list of all other questions that I ask myself about my marriage.

What if we turn out to be two really different people who cannot bear with each other?

What if we want different things from life and from each other?

What if we misunderstand and assume each other’s words and silence?

What if we cannot get each other’s sense of humor?

What if we cannot picture and make sense out of each other’s dreams?

What if love means different things to us?

What if we get bored with each other?

So many questions rain down on me. Well, I wouldn’t know the answers right away, would I?



Questions like these get stronger when people start saying it’s time, and specially when I have never been involved with anyone romantically. Never being in a relationship gives me the pinch sometimes, it would be better if I had some prior experience or at least familiarity.

 I shrug with tight lips, fixed eyes, raised eyebrows, and then get into a deep philosophical thought of what marriage is!

Gambling- my mind says!

“What!? Is this the same girl who wrote a hundred hopelessly romantic poems!?” my best friend yells at me when I say so.

“That’s hormones! Let’s get real!” I say.

“Ugh! You and your reality, logic and practicality! Shut up now!” she says and picks up the nearest pillow.


We start a pillow-fight and giggle at each other’s fighting skills.  


4 comments:

  1. simply simply awesome !! oh my god, i can relate to each sentence ,word and comma out there !!
    its ur best piece according to me !You've kept it simple and at the same time managed not to miss any key point relevant !
    I just want to dedicate "hey soul sister" to u ryt now!!
    P.S: all those sudden well wishers of our lives who become existent only at a point of time when we so want to ignore and rule out their presence totally deserve a middle finger !!

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  2. Thank you so much Sush! :)
    I don't know if it's my best piece, but it's what I'm going through right now.
    And, I so love that song! :)

    Let's wish both of us what we deserve- the love of our lives!
    :)

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  3. Nice one. I would like to thank you becoz my gal will start thinking now on wards.... Specially not from her mind I guess......

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  4. You're welcome Darshan.
    Happy reading.
    :)

    ReplyDelete