Idle musings...

                                   It feels so good, so right, so comfortable and so satisfied as I write. This very moment convinces me that I love it so much, to just be myself; know myself.
                                   As I sit on a chair, in my balcony with a soothing dim light and cool, fresh air, I enjoy my mind's independence. Independence from thoughts, worries, troubles, responsibilities and people. At fifteen minutes past nine in the night, I still find a strange silence even with the prime time soaps running in the houses and the monotonous sound of motors and indicators of Bangalore traffic.
                                  The silence in me, the loneliness and the carefree feelings make me smile. It seems like the time is letting me talk to myself. Among monotonous college and photocopy routines, my mind craves for some space, some time- only and only for myself.
                                  And here I am, talking to myself. Contented. For a few minutes, I push away all the thoughts running through my mind- my parents, my family, friends,studies, career, health.... everything..!! I hit a  pause button to my life, letting it be the way it is! At least for now- for tonight!
                                  Tonight, I won't let anything trouble me, disturb me or take over me. This night is mine! It's for me!  This night, unlike the others, I give some time for myself, rather than for things and people around me. Tonight, I'm not worried about my untidy room, my unreturned books or my unfinished studies. I don't let them bother me, I smile at them!
                                    I let my eyes wander about, seeing the buildings, the light and the people. I stare at the sky, searching for stars, wondering if they really carry mysterious connections to our lives. I try to connect myself to them, something I have never done in my life. I look at everything in detail- the terraces, the cars, the doors and windows, the wet roads, the gates, the steps, the railings, the trees, the plant pots and the main road ahead. The empty porches, blinking generator lights and the eyes occasionally peeping out of the windows in anticipation. The parking lot, street dogs, electric poles, tangled wires and a smart guy on his bike...!!  I free my mind of all its thoughts and just look around, liberally accepting the sights I see, and the sounds I hear.
                                    I let the cool breeze blow over my face, easing my skin. I close my eyes to feel it more deeply. I let my hair free, a few strands falling on my cheeks. It makes me feel like being what I always wanted to be. I say to myself, that I have to take breaks like this now and then. My mind needs it on its way of emotional roller-coasters. I sit with a loneliness, enjoying it. Rejoicing it. As I understand its importance, I get a sense of satisfaction and newness. I am discovering myself...!!
                                     Small drops of rain fall on my sheets of paper, drizzling...! The winds grow cooler and soothing. I rest my chin on my hands and not wanting to get up, I gaze at the sky.
Giving ourselves some time is so refreshing! It relieves us of stress, worries and hopelessness, convincing us that we've got the strength to face what life is taking us through. On that thought, I close my eyes and pray to my inner self, to keep the strength. To hold it forever.
But time flies!
My mom shouts at me, "Dinner is ready.... You always complain that I cook late. When I'm early, you don't eat. Eating late, sleeping late and waking up late..... You have all the bad habits a student is not supposed to have. Do you realise that? Come on now....."
                         I then stop taking my mom's words into my head, but I still hear her talking. I face the sky once more, promise myself that I will take a few lonely sittings whenever I need them. I lend my ears back to my mom, laugh under my breath and take steps towards the kitchen.